New Mum: will I ever be the same again?

The short answer is no. LOL

I’m sitting in a London coffee shop, beautiful sunlight pouring through the window. I’m watching the world pass by. Leaves falling in the churchyard opposite, people walking to the train station on their commute to work. I’m listening to the Turkish coffee shop owners chatting in their lyrical talk-song.

This image is exactly the same as 9 months and 3 days ago. The day before my first child was born. Whilst life on the outside has remained the same, I can’t help feeling completely different. Everything has changed.

It feels odd to so easily step back into the old life I used to have. I can hardly believe how close it was when for the last months it has seemed so incredibly far away.

My friend told me that in her country, women who have their first child are also considered to be re-born. I totally buy into that and I’m still getting to know this new me. I feel like I need to be doing something really important to make up for the fact that I’m not with my child. I question the meaning of what I’m doing here, knowing that I could be with my son.

The owner serves me my brown toast and olive oil, “here you go, young lady”.

Junior developer